OLD AND BOLD.

Some days in the emergency department are boring. Nothing exciting happens, no real traumas roll in, and its just a slug of an 8 hour day dealing with aches and pains and chronic issues. We need a little spice on these days to keep us going, as there’s only so much coffee I can drink to stay awake before it starts to smell the same way on the way out as on the way in. I’m not a doctor, but that’s probably not the best.

On this otherwise boring day, I had the pleasure of taking care of an elderly 79 year old woman who lives on her own. She was brought into hospital as her home care aide came into her home, thought she had suffered a cardiac arrest, and did a short period of (unnecessary) CPR.

I post up at the bedside to give her some TLC, and she’s got her daughter in the room offering support. It becomes immediately obvious that this poor lady was just sleeping, and woke up to an overweight middle aged man pushing on her chest.

Dr. Z: Well, it seems that you don’t really need to be here then, do you?
ElderlyLady: Baby, I just want to go home for my 80th birthday next week.
Dr. Z: Is there anything that I can do for you while you’re here to make your day better?
Daughter: Ohh, she gon say something dirty now.
…
…
…

ElderlyLady: Just some nice, stiff dick.

Excellent.

On my way out of the room to tell everybody with functional ears what happened, I barely start my story before the triage nurse interrupts me:

TriageNurse: I know exactly who that is. On the way in, she pointed you out and said, “That doctor with the beard, I bet he eats some gooood pussy.”

This place never ceases to amaze me.