GOOD LIFE DECISIONS.

GOOD LIFE DECISIONS​

Working in urgent care the other night, I came across an interesting patient. Interesting for you, interesting-five-years-ago-and-now-annoying for me. ​

Some people here refer to Urgent Care shifts as, "Working in the Vagitorium." And they aren't exaggerating. While you see a lot of chest pain when you're working with actual sick people, urgent care shifts consist mainly of ​abdominal pain and 'feminine complaints.' This is the internet, right? I can be gross? Well, here's the kind of stuff that I hear: 

1. It smells like a dead rat down there. 
2. This isn't my usual yellow discharge, it's more green than normal.
3. I think I left a tampon in there a week ago, it's starting to smell bad. 
4. I'm on my period and I'm having cramps.  (I hate you)

The other night, I experienced a combination of numbers 1 and 2.  I had the pleasant experience of seeing a 20 year old female, already with two kids and three abortions, who wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. The picture in the heading should give you a good idea of what she looked like. 

POS (Pillar of Society): Ummm, well, I'm pregnant, and I'm having this weird smelling stuff coming out from down there. 
Dr. Z: Okay. Well that's something that I can definitely take care of for you here today. Can you tell me a little more? 
[I'll spare you the gross details]
Dr. Z:  Are you sexually active during your pregnancy? 
POS: What do you mean? 
Dr. Z: Are you having sex, currently?
POS: Uh huh. 
Dr. Z: Okay. Are you using protection? How many partners do you have? 
POS: I don't like condoms. And I don't know... 50? 60? 
Dr. Z: You're having sex with 50 or 60 people?!?!
POS: Oh. You mean right now?  Since I been pregnant? I'm with four guys on the regular right now...
Dr. Z: I see. ​

Luckily for her, and unluckily for the society that will be forced to take care of her offspring, modern medicine has advanced to the point where we can cure her of all that ails her! After treating her with safe-in-pregnancy antibiotics that will make her 'fresh and so clean-clean' (Rambomycin ©), she was sent on her way with a new lease on life. I plan on seeing her again in about a week, for the usual. I've got a friend that thinks that girls who go to Starbucks don't have herpes - I'm betting this is a Dunkin' Donuts kind of girl.